Circle of LifeThen I'm not exactly the most social person, so it was a bit difficult just standing up to introdue myself in front of 60 or so people. I remember I got up, I had my head down, holding my stuffed pig and just said something to the effect of "umm...My name is Alexis,..I'm very shy and I kinda don't want to be standing up right now." and I heard lots of people just saying awwww. It felt a bit embarassing, but Steve was there, so at least I knew someone. I was still painfully shy though, I just placed my head down and maybe let out a tear or two. I don't like having to stand up and have people watch me as I talk. My heart starts racing and I can feel my face turn red.
So the first night was pretty good. The retreat team gave some talks about personal things to them and it was nice. They opened themselves up to us. We had the option of going up and hugging them after their talk and I really wanted to. I did, but I couldn't bring myself to do it until saturday night. There was a black out and I felt the darkness protected me, I could feel comfortable because no one would look up and see me standing there. Well, they would, but they would only see a shadow and maybe the dark outline of some facial features. But more on that later.
They split us into our mini groups with maybe 6 people and 2 leaders per group. After the talks were over we would go with these people we may or may not have known and discuss what we thought. How can you relate?, who can you relae to more? What does whatever they talked about mean to you? Among other things. And we opened up to eachother, to people we didn't know. And I opened up a bit, even though it was a bit difficult to overcome the shyness, I did. And I cried, and they hugged me. And I wish I would have said so many more things to them, so many more, but I didn't. I figured even with our extra time where we could say anything about ourselves at all, I couldn't say it. Maybe I just felt stupid for thinking it after hearing the talks and hearing their problems. And they went through the same things. It was comforting to be reminded of that. And the best thing of all was the blackout.
We went to our talks as we were going to before the blackout and we all listened to the speakers. And after hearing one of them speak and say such amazing things, I went up and hugged them because I could be brave in the dark. That was my first step. And we went into our groups again and talkd a lot. This other girl opened up to us. She told us things she had never said before, to anyone. The darkness hid us and gave us the courage we needed to speak. I even said some more things. I forget the question. But I remember talking and I said why I came on the retreat and it was nice. I wanted to change myself a bit before it was too late, be the person I want, you know? I'm not happy with who I am, and I want to change myself. It made me really want to.
I thought a lot on the retreat, about things I have been thinking about that I haven't wanted to tell anyone again, that I was afraid to tell. I thought, why did I think this way, look at these people, listen to them and what they have to say. And it cheered me up a bit. And this one girl, I told her how I was afraid of people, how they judge and she told me that they wouldn't judge me, and even if others do it doesn't matter. It was nice to hear her tell me things like that. It's comforting to hear that.
The hike was beautiful as well. We went out and it started snowing. We were covered by arches of beautiful white trees. At one point we walked near a river, and it flowed so prettily. It's nice to see things in a new perspective. Chilly white, covered in snow, grey, grey water. What a sight! The view across the lake looked beautiful. I haven't gotten to see something like that in a while. Something I don't see everyday. People even made snow men. His head was larger than mine! And Matt and Mr. Shea were grilling in the snow. It was a funny sight. Mr. Veil also came by and some people had mentioned something about Saint Joe's being in the paper and he said burn it, so they ripped off the page and threw it in the fire xD It was great.
The theme of the retreat was Now or Never. It really speaks out when you hear all these stories. And so, it centered around this idea of changing things, doing things now, because you may never get the chance if you delay because sometimes people don't get a second chance. But saturday night as I was walking back from the bathrooms to my cabin, I met someone who I had greatly disliked. He came up and said hello and said "I'm going to escort you to your cabin, it's only proper," and it made me laugh a bit. It was nice. And he apologized to me, and I to him. I accepted his apology. It was a nice end to a wonderful day. I had actually wanted to apologize to him but was afraid. I got my chance though and he did too. It really tied into the whole Now or Never, living now isntead of waiting for never. :3
Overall this retreat was refreshing. I got to met new people. Talk to people I knew but had never really talked to. I learned more about people I just saw in the hallways, people who always seemed so amazing and people I haven't seen at all. It made me want to be more a part of things. The song that echoed through my head throughout the retreat was What if I died tomorrow. Two parts that really stress the importance of 'Now or Never.'
"I hope you take this as a lesson learned, tomorrow isn't promised, (nothing is promised)."
"A story's just been told that has happened yet.
Just a tragic foreshadowing
of what could happen to you.
Think before you speak,
it could be the last time ( the last time)
you ever speak to him."
What if you died tomorrow? Would you be happy with where you were, who you were? Or would you regret everything and who you were? Did you find yourself yet? Would you be the now, the or, or the never? Were you selfish, or did you and your friends help eachother? It's something to think about. Questions you want to answer and resolve before your time is up because it moves so fast. In the blink of an eye it can be gone tomorrow, you will be gone and you won't have the chance to change anymore.
I just hope no one would ever give up their time willingly because it is worth it.
If anyone bothered to read all of this then thanks. And even if it may not seem like your kind of thing, try going on a retreat. It's a great experience.
Compassion
Joy
Tired
twas truely beautiful. The scenery is really nice. I miss it. Looks soooooooooooo much nicer than here. The whole country was beautiful >w< I loved Capri and Venice....except for the whole getting hit in the face with a wooden oar but whatever. No black eye so I guess it's ok now.
